From: "borowitzreport.com" <andy@borowitzreport.com>
Sent: Friday, August 26, 2011 11:55 AM
To: <jazzpiano@ca.rr.com>
Subject: Urgent hurricane alert
> August 26, 2011
>
> Internet Outages from Hurricane Could Force People to Interact with Other
> People, Officials Warn
>
> FEMA: Prepare for Unwanted Eye Contact, Awkward Silences
>
> WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – As Hurricane Irene prepared to batter
> the East Coast of the United States, federal disaster officials warned
> that Internet outages caused by the storm could force people to interact
> with other people for the first time in years.
>
> News of the possible interpersonal interactions created panic up and down
> the coast as residents braced themselves for the horror of awkward
> silences and unwanted eye contact.
>
> And as officials warned people in the hurricane zone to stay indoors,
> residents feared the worst: conversations with members of their immediate
> family.
>
> At the Federal Emergency Management Agency, FEMA chief Craig Fugate
> offered these words of advice for those who may be forced into direct
> contact with other human beings: "Be prepared. Write down possible topics
> to talk about in advance. Sports is a good one, and of course the
> weather. Remember, a conversation is basically a series of Facebook
> updates strung together."
>
> He also offered these words of hope for those trapped interacting with
> other people due to an Internet outage: "At some point, the wifi will go
> back on, and hopefully you won't have to go through anything like this
> again for a long, long time."
>
> In a related story, the Rev. Pat Robertson said the best way to prepare
> for Hurricane Irene is not being gay.
>
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>
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